Writing to Sunshine has always been and still is my favourite thing to do. We exchange letters every year, especially during important dates. But if I were to be honest, I have been refraining myself from writing about him, especially in this blog sphere. The reasoning was ridiculous because I didn't want to jinx it and I am actually pretty bad at writing happy things because if you knew me better, you would already realize my creative juice has always been fueled by sadness and all them mellow things. This pretty much explains why I have stopped writing poetry. Bad excuse, I know, but it is what it is, gang.
Today marks our 4th anniversary as each other's best friend. I know, we had our first anniversary as husband and wife exactly two months ago but this date is pretty sacred to both of us. We don't have any official date where we knew when things have turned into a relationship but this date is the date I first started writing to Sunshine. It was only almost a year later that we decided to use this date as our so-called anniversary date (well yeah, now that we're married we're going to use that date instead but yeah you know the drill).
As you can already tell, this post is going to be a tribute to Sunshine so believe me when I say it's going to be pretty long. Like hello, I have never really written about how we got together and of course lah I want to memorialize it here now kan? Proceed at your own risk, please. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Sunshine's presence in my life changed a lot of things for me. Being more than friends with him was something I never thought of because... I don't know. We're good friends, we enjoy talking to each other and that's it. Well, at least that's how I looked at it. I had so many failed flings prior to Sunshine and I am almost more than sure that I've had enough. But things just came naturally with him, it's almost scary. I wasn't scared of falling in love with him but I was more scared of breaking his heart. I'm not exaggerating things, I promise. I was fresh out of rejecting two marriage proposals before turning things serious with him and I was damn sure the people I hurt were going to curse me into oblivion (read: never gonna find the proper soulmate) but that is a story for another day (nope, just kidding, I'm never going to write about that ever).
I gotta be honest, I was pretty much in denial for the first few months with him. I kept telling him it's okay if he wanted to just pretend like we didn't say the things we said to each other, and it's okay if he needed my help to find someone new for him. Ha! I get so angry at myself when I think about those things I said because excuse me? I could have just missed the opportunity to be with my now-favourite-person-in-the-world! Shame on me. But of course, Allah is the Best Planner. I honestly think Allah puts both of us in such a broken state that we were able to meet at the junction.
To this very day, I love recalling things with Sunshine. We have shared so many memories together, we just didn't realize it till we were actually together. When I was 17 to 19 years old and while I was doing my Degree, he was the only person (nope, not exaggerating) whom I could actually talk to when it comes to my struggles and hardships for studies and my family's expectations of me. He confided those things in me as well so he was definitely a safe haven for me back then. One thing I love about our friendship was that we never talk about our then partners. We would talk about life, love, family and school in general but never would we go into specifics. I really loved that part about our friendship and I think it's probably why I trust him with whatever I tell him.
We have been there for each other despite it being indirectly. We have witnessed how both of us got in and out of relationships, we have witnessed our circle of friends converging, we have witnessed each other's timeline in life without even being aware of it. I still can't get my head around it but I'm thankful, nevertheless.
People say I'm oblivious to things but sometimes I feel like I just see things differently, not because I didn't want to see things the way they are but simply because I see the possibility of it being a different thing. Ok I've lost you here, haven't I? What I meant is, when we finally got together and when we finally started telling our close friends about it, we got this "sense of relief" from people. My friends were like, "omg, like finally?" or "about time, guys" or just "I knew you were gonna end up together". Things like those baffled me, to be honest. Was I oblivious? I didn't think so. I had people telling me stuff about him. To me, a simple crush brings no harm. I had a crush on a lot of people but do I want to be with them? I don't think so. Or for the fact that I had a crush on Harry Styles but did we end up together? Nope. So that was my logic back then.
It was only during our wedding night that I finally found out the real and confirmed truth, when his best friend revealed everything during his speech to us. Meh, Sunshine being Sunshine - he never admits to that so I'm just going to say my husband is still in a serious denial mode. Hi baby, looking good over there! Hehe.
Wow, you're still reading. That's impressive. I'm just going to conclude it here because I prefer to keep some other things solely for our memory box. I'm just so grateful that Allah puts him right in front of my eyes all this while and yet nothing happened between us but when the right time finally came, we both jumped right in. We have since seen each other at our best, our worst and even in our most ridiculous condition. Things have not been easy everyday but alhamdulillah I get to navigate the remaining of this whole temporary life with him.
Thank you for everything sayang. For being the way you are. For helping me be who I am today. For understanding my wants and needs. For being super annoying so I would feel less annoying myself. Just, for everything, okay?
I love youuuuuuuuuuuuu. Bye!
No comments:
Post a Comment