Not in the right place

My heart is.

I have been consumed with work for the past few weeks. Not just work, to be honest. There were weddings, there were visits from families and friends, there were always something every weekends and I hate to admit this - I'm exhausted. Extremely. 

It's bad. It's really bad because I feel like my life was thrown out of balance and right now I am still lost. My sorrow grew when I realized I have also grown apart from my spiritual sense. I seriously need to buckle up; I tell myself and here I am still expressing my endless worries to my lifeless blog.

I have questioned so many things in the past few weeks and I've broken some rules - life rules that I have imposed on myself; ones that I have promised to abide to, or ones that I have promised to never make a routine/habit. It feels like I'm losing it. I know I slowly am but the fact that I got to realize this very fact sooner than it's too late, I'm still very much thankful alhamdulillah.

I have been seeing the airports for way too many times in the past few weeks. Some visits were of sending me off, some visits were of fetching and dropping someone off. It's crazy but at the same time I'm thankful that my house is somehow less far to the airport as compared to any other friends that I actually know. If you live in Nilai or Putrajaya - I know you can even brag about it even more. This is also one of the reasons why Sansan and I have been really reluctant to move out of our current town. 

The fact that I've been away for a couple time the past few weeks has also strengthen the hypothesis (eh, is that really the right term to use here?) that I truthfully dread (if not HATE) being apart from my husband. I just don't like the feeling. It doesn't help that both of us would turn into clingy cry babies just before one of us is about to depart the plane. Sucks to be married, guys! But not really. I shall learn how to be more appreciative of his presence, that I know for sure. But guess who's flying off to Vietnam the day after tomorrow for 3 days? Yes, it's your gal here. Tears are already forming in my heart as I'm typing this.

I am not entirely enjoying my new role as it's taking away some of my time with myself. I have some private and personal sessions with myself where I would actually contemplate and reflect and just have this casual talk with my Beloved but my work has been really taking its toll on me. Guys, I'm not complaining I swear. Because to be honest, I'm at fault. Well, not entirely me but also my company because we have decided to do everything at once and now that we are short-handed, some of us are going nuts. (read: me!) But inshaAllah I'll be better at organizing my time and plan I hope lah let's not ruin this whole scenario by thinking about the worst possibilities that could happen.

I don't really know if whatever I'm writing up there makes sense or not because I'm basically just typing whatever that is on my mind right now and I don't know if it's going anywhere for now. I just can't wait for all the workload to be done and dusted, so that I can actually breathe again - even just for a while. 

And, someone needs to learn how to prioritize herself again. *sigh