Marriage life is fun! But to be honest, it ain't easy. I don't want to sound like an ambassador for this new phase in my life but I would like to share a few things that I've learnt so far. You don't have to really agree on the things that I'm about to say since I'm actually speaking on my own behalf.
Some of my friends have asked me what was it like to be married. I don't really know how to answer that because I'm still so new. And of course it's different. I have changed a lot in just two months. And most of the times when I said such statement, people would actually ask me if that's okay. Is it okay to change after you get married?
Well if you have changed from good to worse then of course it's not okay. You don't need to be a genius to figure that out. But honestly I feel like I've changed for the better. Don't get me wrong. I didn't change for my husband. But my life when shared with him has helped me see it in a different light and alhamdulillah for that because I've learnt a lot about myself along the way as well.
I have minimal patience. My temper is most of the times non-existent but if one managed to unleash that part of me, it's pretty disastrous and I'm not going to cover myself up for that. I know how I really am. But as I entered this new phase of my life, I have come to realize that I am starting to see the person of whom I could actually be.
Does this mean that I wasn't prepared for these changes that I didn't see coming? Well, that's pure bullshit if you were to ask me. I get this question a lot too - like how did I know I was ready to be a wife? I didn't. There could never be a time where I'm sure I was fully ready for it because let's be honest here, we would never really be ready for anything. Because whenever you tell yourself that you are ready for such big commitment, your unwanted masked 'friend' would always tell you otherwise. You know this fella, we all call him shaytaan on a daily basis and sometimes we become one of them without us even realizing it. Even a few days before our nikah, I have been telling Sansan that this could actually be a bad decision but trust me this is cliche but you just gotta have faith, okay? Okay let's stay on track.
But one thing I know for sure is I am ready to learn, ready to sacrifice. And again, don't get me wrong on this one. My sacrifice includes my ego, my impatience, my never-ending anger for almost everything and my inability to tolerate things that are different from me. These are all the bad traits that I have and entering the marriage life, I know I have to sacrifice all these. It's not going to be an abrupt change of course but once you are ready to accept the possibility of these changes, inshaAllah you're good to go.
And of course the wedding day is not the final answer to everything. Sansan and I had made it a conscious effort to remind ourselves that the marriage is actually the beginning of everything. Our final few weeks before the wedding day were spent discussing and talking about the things that are going to happen after 'the day' itself. We laughed and we cried because there are so many things that we need to be prepared for before we take that step of becoming husband and wife. These talks are not easy, trust me. There are stuff that would be too sensitive to talk about and so on so forth. But, go on and have the talk anyway because inshaAllah from there you'd know if you guys are on the same page or not.
Whatever that you have discussed and agreed on with your husband/wife, I suggest it should just stay between the two of you. You'll meet friends who would have different opinions on a particular matter, friends who don't agree with how you carry your relationship with your spouse but let's not allow that to affect what you have with your spouse. In short, never ever compare your marriage life with other people. It's wrong and it's not going to help you take care of your marriage. Your relationship with your spouse should be an experience of its own and not an imitation of someone else's marriage so never, ever compare. Remember, we only need to please The One and Only so everybody else's opinions don't really matter as long as you know you're doing the right thing.
I feel obligated to write this post because I've been reflecting on my emotional state as we are on the brim of entering the holy month of Ramadan. I'm super excited but at the same time I'm scared. I am still learning to take control of my bipolar mind but ya Allah things have been easy lately and I believe Allah has made it easy for me through Sansan. And this post is also triggered by the questions that I have been plagued with earlier on so there you go.
Will write more about Ramadan soon, it's after all one of my favourite months. Till then, take care!
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