Could this be it?

I'm seriously considering to stop writing on my blog and start tweeting again. My dependency on my blog is the sole culprit in stopping me from submitting my work to (insert a few names I don't want to include here) because I would rather just express it out on my blog rather than put it all out there and get paid for it. I don't like doing something for money but my traveling urges have been trying to turn me into a m0n3y l0v3r (lol not really in that sense but you get me) just so I could actually book my one-way ticket to all these places I've been dying to go. Again, I'm exaggerating but you get me ok.

Shit I totally forgot what I wanted to write now. I woke up extra early on Sunday just so I could squeeze a few minutes with my laptop right after cleaning up the house. I wanted to take that time to actually write for someone, a certain publication, if I may be truthful (I meant to say honest, obviously, but it doesn't sound right to me). I am the most calm after doing my laundry and fixing my living room so I thought I would be able to gather my thoughts better at such time. But boy was I wrong. I ended up writing two amazing paragraphs - that would definitely inspire young hearts - ONLY if I had the guts to actually finish writing them? (insert endless question marks here to show how disappointed and angry I am at myself), only to stop writing at just that and saved it as a draft instead. I wish I could say I was surprised but of course I wasn't.

I couldn't do it. My dependency on this blog has definitely taken over my capability of sharing it beyond my audience and thus I feel like this blog is prohibiting me in being who I really want to be!

Drama queen alert. BUT really, I've turned this little brainchild of mine into an excuse for not doing more than just this. I tried but I didn't try enough. If my life were made into a movie, it would just be me sitting on my couch staring into space but there's this additional backdrop behind me playing all my thoughts; realizing them into real-life events that could happen to me provided that I would just stop staring into space and get my butt outta that couch. I'm already picturing myself channeling Anna Karina's vibes throughout the whole movie but let's get back to my story.

But then I've been really slow on the blogging part too, as I've been really caught up with the things happening around me. I share most of the things verbally now - especially those things that need external attention. My poor Sunshine is my favourite victim of course. I remember explaining to him how my heart broke the first time I heard Troye Sivan's song called Heaven and specifically stating to him why I feel such strong feeling toward that song and at the same time making sure he doesn't get me wrong.

Speaking of that, have you listened to that song? It made me think of not just the rights of the LGBT community but it made me feel vulnerable in a way that I can't even explain. I had similar conversations with God everyday, but not for the same reason of course. Told you I cannot explain this crap in my writing. I really need to start a club called the Absolutely Anything Club (AAC) where we could all talk about absolutely anything! And by anything I mean we can talk about movies or series, Wes Anderson's aesthetics that is /my life/, books!, more books by the ever so great Jay Dee Salinger!, cute and influential bois like Justin Trudeau or Bob Dylan or even Dave Franco (ok he's not that influential just yet but his cuteness beats every f r e a k i n g thing), or talk about important causes like #BernieSanders4TheWorld, #MakeMalaysiaSaneAgain, #LetsKillChildPredators (I made them all up but we can make it happen), and maybe we can also talk about how funny and amazing and merciful God really is - yes that One who created us, who gave us everything we need and yet never be grateful for, or about people who inspire us to be better; be it directly or indirectly. Omg life is so full of surprises and possibilities and here I am still wondering how can I get so easily bored with this life. Shame on me, I know.

Did you see that? Why do I get distracted all the time! My post has no essence now ok and I don't feel like recalling my initial intention in writing this what the heck. Oh ya, I've been spending too much time with mother nature as well and (this is cliche guys!!) I love to the capital L O V E how therapeutic the experiences were! I wish I could take photos and post it on my instagram all the time but since my phone had a near-death experience while I was hiking - I decided not to do that shit anymore lol. My knees seem to be getting better as well so yes, I can say I'm pretty happy for this.

I'm also in the midst of carving a "fore<3er" tattoo in Sunshine's heart now and there are only a few months left before his last chance to say no to spending the rest of his life ~together~ with me (of course he wouldn't dare) (but can you trust me with the same decision?) (ok I'm kidding). I've been too playful (read: nervous) (but then again not really) (although I'm pretty sure I kinda am) in planning as I would respond with my signature Rango shriek whenever he asks me about our progress in the planning. My main concern is more to: what cat should we get once it's all done? I mean seriously, what should it be? Or could it be a cute little Chow Chow puppy instead? Ha. I've been really secretive about the date and the planning because 1) I don't like to jinx it although I'm not that superstitious 2) because I fear for my fickle heart and my bipolar head although I know I'm wiser now inshaAllah but mainly because 3) it's my choice to keep it private ok so please just send your love and prayers my way instead. 

Oklah that's it ok this could be my last post for this year but I could be lyin' so take care and see you soon thanks for sticking around for me!