Two sides of everything.

♫ Hayley Kiyoko — "Girls Like Girls"

I try to recall the days where I'd be devoid of overpowering emotions be it positive or even negative and I always end up not knowing when was the last time that I felt at ease with being neutral. Most of the times I would feel overwhelmed with excitement that the thrill made me feel like I'm on top of the world and that anything could be accomplished just as long as I wanted them to. There would be other times when my passion is nowhere to be found and I'd be dreading my whole existence; all I want is for this particular phase to be over, just go, now and don't ever return.

It has never really stopped though. It has been an active cycle of these two extremities of which I have yet to figure out how to control because I can either welcome the overjoyed feelings or I'd just wish for it to get the hell out of my face - yeap, it felt like it had been clogging up on my face and it freaking irritates me and I need it to just vanish!

I'm always on this thin line between wanting to hear music at a full volume and even the slightest music could bug the frack out of me. Like eating nothing is okay at one minute and wanting to eat everything the next minute, the heck really? I hate not knowing where to really stand because most of the times, I'm too lazy to even be in control of these overlapping emotions. It's extremely tiring and it has been draining the life out of me.

I've been failing to prioritise my needs lately, despite having to already had them written on a piece of paper because why? Because I'm so scared of some things. I hate this feeling. I hate fear. I cannot deal accordingly to fear because I don't want it to be in my system that I don't even know how to tolerate its mere existence. The solution is always to ignore it. Let it be, let it be. Let it freaking be because this too, shall pass.

I told myself I needed some time off from people, from my toxic surrounding but the truth is, we all know the truth is - I need to stay away from myself for awhile. How do I do that? I have yet to know, so be right back.