Giving myself some space.

♫ Zella Day — "East of Eden"

I have made it a routine to turn my Novembers into a month of preparation, a month of reflection and a month of over-thinking because come December, I'll be in my withdrawal phase. This is the sole reason as to why I had spent presumably more than 5 hours watching videos by a girl named Coco on Youtube yesterday; all because I needed a guide on how to freaking declutter.

I know it's not easy to go through a life transition especially when you're so used to some of your habits like how I said I would start drinking more water on a daily basis but never really got around to doing it. It might sound a little bit shallow too, to be getting references from someone else's life in order to deal with yours. Pretty contradicting, I must say, but we can't really figure everything out on our own. And honestly, I'm glad I found her.

All these years I've been a slave to consumerism, especially now that I'm living on my own. Hoarding has become a hobby and I didn't realise I was doing it until just recently. My spending habits too, get a little out of hand sometimes simply because there was no one telling me to chill the heck out because I'm using my own money. I wish I was wiser but it's never too late for that, isn't it?

Coco took 4 years to adapt to her new life and her motivation was because she had a bad breakup right before that. How do I do this without waiting for something bad to happen first because I wouldn't want to do it because I had to. I want to do it because I want to. See the difference? I know, this is not an English class OK don't give me that look.

I thought I was doing it right, because I don't really enjoy shopping so I don't really buy clothes that often. I thought I was on the right track because I don't splurge on beauty products such as makeups and skincare because I don't wear them. I thought I was doing the right thing because I spent most of my money on groceries (because I freaking love cooking), and of course, my books. OK, you caught me I spent too much on shoes too because I can't help it. Let's just cut to the chase, I just want to tell you that I was wrong all along.

You see, I shouldn't have gotten used to going to bookstores/bookfairs because once I was in there, there would be no turning back. At all. I could never limit myself when it comes to books and now most of these books that I don't even read end up being shelved. It's sad, how I abuse my love for books like that. And don't get me started on my food consumption lol I just love eating but sometimes I forgot that my body needs a proper care too.

I used to justify my spending habits like as if it's some sort of a compensation to something I could have bought but didn't. I need to be freed from this toxic attitude OK thanks a lot Coco, for opening up my eyes. I am now welcoming my withdrawal phase like a chirpy little bird on its first flight ever. Thanks and you're welcome.