"You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it."No selected tune this time around because this post means business. Yeap, the kind of introduction I make just to warn you about the seriousness of this entry.
When I was younger, I always wanted to explain things - justify them especially when I know I'm right. I hate being accused of things and I hate being the one to apologize first. I will make sure that I would win that fight. I'd make them my main battle, I'd make sure it goes my way. But growing up, I've learnt a better way. Gone were the days when I would turn into a walking sword with my sharp tongue because I know, it'd do me no good. Let's go back to those days for a minute, shall we?
No one likes to be attacked for the wrong reason, right? No one likes being fought with when they are clearly not at fault. That was what I held on to before. You're not fighting in a fair way, why must I be the nice person and settle things down in a good way? Such thing didn't exist in my dictionary before. I know, my headstrong quality is one of my best, and it's also one of the reasons why my bitchy persona stuck around with me up till today. I'm a better person now, I promise.
I was that friend who would stand up for you if you couldn't stand up for yourself. I feared nobody, and I'm not even exaggerating. I had my group of people who would do anything for me; beat someone up for me or even just tell someone off on my behalf. That was probably why I never knew how to give in and be nice. I didn't think there was any other way to settle a feud other than to fight back the same way the other person did. I was clearly wrong as you can see, hence the creation of this post.
Real life happened to me after that. I met a lot of new people. People who didn't let their emotions govern their actions and words to others in the midst of a squabble. I adore this people. How did they do it? How can someone has so much patience in them? Don't you want to stand up for yourself? I was blind. That was how they stood up for themselves - by being the bigger person.
I learnt to be conscious of my emotions after that. I tried to be more aware of the words coming out of my mouth especially when I know I could have just said something harsh and be done with everything but someone would be scarred one way or another right? If it wasn't scarring that person I was fighting back, the words would definitely scar me for life. Because the way you make someone feels stays with them forever.
It's so much better to let the other person say whatever they want about you. I was in this situation a couple of times before but there was this one time that lingered with me up until now because if I didn't act the way I acted, I'm pretty sure things would have ended badly. I was being accused of a lot of things I didn't do and what bothered me the most that time was the way it was delivered to me. Everyone saw the attacks, I know it was directed to me and yet it wasn't clearly directed to me. A few of my friends and even this guy who understood how bad my level of harshness could be (bless your heart, Sunshine) took the responsibility to fight the battle for me because once I started, they know I won't be able to stop.
That moment stayed with me until today because I remember struggling to fight the urge to let my emotions take over my tongue and my hands. There were these tiny little voices telling me to "man the hell up and put this fellow back to her/his place" because I know I wasn't at fault. I almost lost the inner battle, until that person finally did it the proper way. I'm thankful for that because I'm not trying to brag but being the bitch that I am, I could really ruin one's life just by the words I said. Again, not exaggerating because yeah, been there done that. I'm sorry for all the lives I ruined by being my utmost bitchy self (if you guys were even reading this lol).
But I'm all good now. I'm not holding grudges or anything. I'm simply putting this up here because that one feud taught me a lot. It made me see things clearer now because I was once that fellow, I acted based on my anger and it seldom ends in a good way. I don't want to be that person any more.
I know it's hard being the bigger person in a fight especially when it itches you so much to let this other person know how wrong they are. It's hard, it really is. But as we grow up, we'll see the difference. Do you want to look back at your past actions and realize how foolish you were to be acting in such way? Of course not. That's what I've finally come to terms with. To end this not so breakthrough personal thoughts that I have written, let me end this with one quote I'm trying my best to live by:
How beautiful it is to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged?
** Of course there is a certain level of toleration when dealing with ridiculous people. If they went overboard or if they trespassed your personal space; please, be my guest and put that person back to where they truly belong: the wall of shame.
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