Through the looking glass.

I think it's easier said than done; to finally made peace with your past.  I have always regarded myself as a strong person, because I am able to move on from things easily but I just realized that my "moving on" principle comes together with a few terms and conditions.

Like how I would make sure to detach myself from anything that would hold me back from moving on, and also how I would tend to avoid myself from being involved in anything/anyone/anywhere that would somehow stop me from moving on. It's hard to explain in words (especially right now) since I have so many thoughts criss-crossing one another in my head right now god, it's so annoying and I can't even begin to tell you how much I really want to talk about this but I couldn't seem to pen down the right description of this.

I have always dreaded coming back to my hometown (nothing to do with my family and friends - the sole reason for why I needed to go home sometimes) and I know why. The place reminded me so much of the things I don't want to remember anymore and the faces I don't want to see ever again. But my last visit back home was completely different.

It was probably because I was attending the wedding of one of my childhood's close friends and I actually saw the changes around me. I met a few faces that surely didn't like seeing my face but instead of feeling super annoyed with it, I felt fine. I was able to laugh at the childishness around me, the negative vibes that I myself allowed to cloud upon my days there. I realized it was all pure insignificant in a sense that I am no longer that person - that person who feels the need to get away from things just so she could live a better life.

It always felt like I was constantly trying to run away from my past but this time around,  I felt free. I felt like I was just visiting a sacred place and there was nothing to be scared of anymore. That the reason I went to this side of the world is because I have bigger dreams than just staying in my comfort zone. For once, I felt so relieved.

I've also stopped trying to wonder the possibilities of "what ifs" and "what could have beens" in my life because everything happens for a reason and yes I used to hate the cliché quote but guess what - it is what it is. Everything suddenly feels lighter now.

Disclaimer: This whole breakthrough didn't come upon me out of the blue. It was due to my catch up session with my Marshmellow (fucking hell, I always LOVE our one-on-one session hashtag girlpower hashtag bffgoalsforlife) and also the fact that I had this long ass talk with my Sunshine where we finally made a pact to detach ourselves from our past and to let them go as if they never happen before (the same goes to you sweetums, you never fail to make me feel so bloody special it's impossible to even comprehend that).

So yeah, I'm so far content. Cheers for positive vibes all year long? *insert fist bump*