Moving forward.

♫ Noah and the Whale — "5 Years Time"

I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to let out a sigh of relief because at this exact moment, my thoughts are all jumbled up although initially I knew what I wanted to write. I thought I had it all under control but sometimes my thoughts get the best of me.

Plans, plans, plans. I have been making a lot of plans lately. Nothing in black and white, because I'm still scared of realizing them but I have them in the back of my head. Yes, we have been making plans too. It's new to me, to be including someone else in my plans because the way I see it, I'm bad at keeping promises (hence my avoidance in making them in the first place) but as I said in the previous post, I'm making baby steps. Not just in my writing but also the way I treat people and my worldly desires.

Great, that's where I'm going. I wanna talk about my worldly desires. It's easy to get by nowadays especially when I have finally told myself to be aware of my wants and needs without succumbing to other people's expectations of me. You see, I've always wanted a simple life. I just want to do me from now on. It feels so good to be able to say this.

It was hard to write it down before especially when your heart kept telling you otherwise. My brain and my heart seldom get along with one another and it's killing me sometimes but like I mentioned, I want to be more aware of things now. I want to be able to put these two in sync.

I want to create my own world and defend it. A lot of times I had let external voices tell me what was right and what was wrong for me. Even when my wardrobe consisted of only black and white clothing - people made a point to show me it shouldn't be like that when the truth is, that's all I want to wear everyday. I should just stop caring from now on. Whatever makes me happy, yes?

Oh right, back to my world. This world of endless sarcastic writings and sad poetry, this world of monochrome fashion, this world of minimalistic system, this world of literature and this world of mine. I wanna defend this world. It's simple and it's mine.

I no longer want to pretend like as if I love big gatherings, or floral patterns or multi-colored stuff because it's really driving me crazy; trying to be the perfect version of someone I'm not. I don't know why I tolerated this before but I guess it took me too long to realize my own self-worth and nope, I'm not going to just sit around and watch other people take control of my life and my thoughts.

Lol this is getting too serious but you get what I mean. I shall annoy you with my rare self discovery moments the next time I'm free. Have a good day!