Let there be hope.

♫ Karen O & Ezra Koenig - "The Moon Song"

I get it, I don't deserve to announce the revival of this space because this would be the umpteenth time but let's just all accept the fact that I'd forever be an indecisive human being and it's okay for me to delete my posts and start all over again.

But I'm really trying to be in control this time around. To start writing here again is now a conscious decision that I have finally made because I'm tired of whining about being uninspired and shit and the aftermath of that - I couldn't get anything done. I'm trying to be responsible for my own thoughts now I think I deserve a round of applause, the least.

I went back to my old writings and it saddens me to see the side of me that has gotten to an uncontrollable extent in romanticizing sadness. I mean I get it, it helps me with my poems but when it comes to my real thoughts; I'm en route to belittling my own talent.

Yes, it's time to embrace what I'm good at and it's also that time where I finally realised what I really want in life. Good lord, it sucks to be firm on things when you're constantly being pressured to fit in, to be understanding and to tolerate all the things you don't even like around you. So let's do this, let's embrace the authenticity of your own self and not be afraid of what people might think of you. Uh huh, that was me talking to myself.

I don't care if I don't have an audience here. That was one of the reasons why I slowed down on blogging, the fact that I knew I had eyes reading my thoughts but I was so paranoid I forgot that I was the one publicizing them in the first place. Why must I, the writer, worry about the things that I could not control? Beats me, darling. I just want to continue writing and who knows, someone might think of me the way I think about Joan Didion. That would be too good to be true but hey, nothing's impossible.

Please don't be baffled by all these so-called positive vibes coming from this usually bitter lady but I'm making baby steps. Let's do this, shall we?