28 and beyond

One of my personal resolutions for the year is I want to be more honest with myself before I could even be truly honest with the people around me. Let me just start doing that by addressing the real problem I have been experiencing with myself.

I'm just going to go ahead and say it; I lack discipline. This realization came to me when I was sitting among my two other friends where we were discussing about how our passion for our jobs are currently running thin and how we don't find ourselves enjoying doing it anymore. I used it as an excuse as to why I have stopped my creative writing-- just because I'm too caught up with my job that I can't seem to marry my business writing and my creative writing together. Told my friends it was the reason why I feel like I didn't know how to write properly anymore and why I stopped doing so altogether.

My friend told me it was such a poor excuse on my side because all I should do is just make time for it and actually do it.

I failed miserably at both, to be honest. I tried making time but when I had them, I would feel this huge burden on my shoulders where I would actually let it become the reason behind my so-called writer's block. And I always find myself trying to force my creative juice to flow when I'm clearly running short of time. See the problem there? It's me. I'm the problem to this self-inflicted confusion that I am in.

I abandoned my books for fear that it would take away my time for something else (although I'm not sure myself if I know what I meant by something else), and I stall on writing down my impromptu thoughts with the excuse of it being too abrupt. I know, such excuses that I have!

I want to stop doing that already, you know? Stop putting barriers between what I have and what I want. It's really getting on my nerves now and it's really slowly eating me up. What I really need to do is to stop giving a damn about what people think of me and my writings.

I wanna post my long ass thoughts on Instagram? Just do it. I wanna rant my deepest late night thoughts on Twitter? Oh just do it already. Why does it matter if someone out there finds it annoying? Why does it matter if some of my friends think I'm oversharing? Why does it matter what people feel or think about it when all it does to me is help me improve my writing and allow myself to express all the thoughts that I want to express? Why does it matter, really?

I don't know. I just wish I had realized all of this sooner. Come on Ain, it's time to be truly honest with yourself. You do you, okay? Happy birthday!