The first boy

I didn't expect this, and I didn't know I would face such dilemma. I was supposed to send my brother to his hostel the night my parents went back to Miri. My mom was reluctant about it, saying that it's still too early. Besides, I don't feel like going to work before 8am so having him stay at my place would require me to send him to the university at around 730am because his orientation starts around 8-830am.

But when we got home from the airport, I told him to prepare his stuffs, pack his remaining belongings and just get ready before we drop him off. He went to me and said, "can you call and wake me up for Subuh tomorrow?". Because his phone decided to go kaput on his very first day of orientation.

This is how it slowly came creeping in - my guilt. So I went to my room and asked my husband if I should really send him tonight. I know it's a bad thing to ask my husband for his opinion because his level of kesian is always higher than what I have so he ended up saying, "it's okay maybe we can just send him next week before his first class starts," to which I said okay lah. I have already decided on my own but I always needed this extra support just so I'd know I'm not trying to manjakan my brother.

Come next week, here we are again. We were supposed to send him to the hostel last night. We went there two nights ago, I helped him with the unpacking while my husband went to beramah mesra with his housemates, just in case anything comes up. So last night - my brother knew the time has come for him to go to the hostel so he had all of his stuff packed when I got home. And then........

We didn't send him again. My in-laws are here with us because my brother in law is flying off to Dhaka tomorrow so they suggested that my brother goes back to the hostel today instead. And to the hostel he went, today. But I wasn't the one sending him because what the heck I didn't know I would be so reluctant to send him. Ok I'm just going to be honest - the drive to his hostel is like 5 mins away from my house minus the traffic jam but ugh it's my first little brother!

I think I worry too much. My brother doesn't have many friends - he confided in me about not being able to socialize normally and I understand. I never get angry for that and in fact, I'm actually thankful that he prefers spending time in front of the computer rather than loitering around in shopping malls and etc. But he listens to just me, does as what I say, tells me things he doesn't tell the other siblings and most importantly, he always helps cover up my ass when I did something I shouldn't do. Ha ha. This one has a special spot in my heart although he still thinks the whole family is against him.

I know I'm making a big fuss out of this since I'll be picking him up from the hostel on Thursday night. But I just gotta react to it or something, am I right? Tsk. I can also foresee me cooking just chicken on the weekends since he doesn't eat other stuff.

May Allah ease!!!!