Welcoming tomorrow with a list of new year's resolutions is such a cliché thing to do. When I told my friends I never had any new specific goals whenever the curtain is about to fall on a certain year, they told me I must have had enough with this life. I can't totally disagree on that, especially with what has been happening around us but hey, that is still a morbid thing to say — particularly because I'm not ready to depart from this world in this state of lacking so-much-things just yet. I mean, come on bro I'm not that gangsta when it comes to my spiritual side so I can't really just do or die. Sidetracking, as you can see so let's get back to what it's all about.
The common resolutions we can see are those consisting of getting married, having kids, wanting to explore places in this whole galaxy (kudos to you if your new list includes other planets and not just the countries everyone knows), quitting bad habits and also having a healthier and wealthier lifestyle but I seriously think we should focus more on what's within before you could finally achieve these external wonders. Seldom do I see people giving a proper attention to their mental and inner health so that's why I finally decided to actually have a resolution for the new year ahead. Drum rolls and red carpet please because here it comes! It's nothing that exciting though so I'm sorry for the gimmick hehe why so serious.
My one and only precious new year's resolution is: I want to learn to be more forgiving of myself. It is a noble thing to do if you could forgive other people so easily for all the bad things they have ever done to you but have you ever wondered if you have forgiven yourself enough? Forgive yourself for all the things you couldn't be and for all the things you almost become. We tend to blame ourselves for all our past mistakes and despite coming to terms with some of our wrong decisions, we still dwell on them even without being aware of it. Forgive yourself for that. Forgive yourself for not being able to separate your heart and your mind that you end up ruining both. Forgive yourself for never allowing anyone break your heart but you let it happen anyway. Forgive yourself for thinking you would never do the same thing to other people but you ended up eating your own words. Forgive yourself for thinking things could be different when deep down you know this is how it is all supposed to be. Forgive yourself for all your unmet expectations and high hopes.
Forgive yourself for telling yourself to not let your dreams get abandoned but life caught you up and you had no choice but to move along with it. Forgive yourself for all the missed opportunities you see passing you by; if only you had been braver in grabbing them at the very first sight. Forgive yourself for being okay with not being friends with some of your used-to-be good friends because it just doesn't work any more. Forgive yourself for not being able to get out of your comfort zone just yet. The time will come, but not just yet. Forgive yourself for that hesitance. Forgive yourself on the days you think you had it worse in the world but then again you came across a starving homeless person on your way home. Forgive yourself for the days you gave in to your insecurities that you couldn't even look yourself in the mirror. Goodness gracious, forgive yourself for daring to think that God made a flaw out of you. Forgive yourself for forgetting that God make no mistakes. Forgive yourself for the days you said you couldn't pull through but you made it anyway. Forgive yourself for doubting your strength to live on but here you are, still breathing. Forgive yourself for all the things you couldn't control.
Whenever people come to me for advice (I know, why in the world but I can't help it I'm meant to be a therapist somehow), I always end up telling them to be selfish. Be selfish for all the right reasons. Be selfish of your happiness, be selfish of what's right for you. That's how you learn to forgive yourself, by putting yourself first. It's okay to not want to say yes just because everyone else is saying yes. Forgive yourself for standing up for yourself. Forgive yourself for knowing your wants and your needs. Forgiveness is an important thing to instil in yourself so why are you denying yourself the right to be forgiven? It's only when you are able to forgive yourself that you could start afresh, turn over that new chapter and finally have a clean slate. So please, do that. Not for anyone else's sake but your own. Promise me, you'll do that? Okay? No seriously you have to promise me you'll do that don't make me hunt you down. All right, I'm glad we agree on that.
It's easier to write down superficial things because it is harmless to address them. Can't go to Barbados this year? It's okay you can put that in next year's list! Can't quit smoking despite trying for the past ten thousand years? It's fine, baby steps, on to 2017! You're not afraid of writing them down because the risk of not getting it done — not so much, really. That's why it's more important to start being conscious of the things we are so afraid to realize, our fears, habits, attitudes and everything else that makes up who we are as a person. That's where you have to start because like it or not, that's where you will end.
Happy new year, everyone! Praying for a blessed and wonderful year for all of you.
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