Because my heart was slightly bruised.
We now live in a world full of slanders; them being true of false is a story for another day. I am writing here to express my sadness although I shouldn't dwell on it but since it's affecting quite a part of my heart, I feel like I should reflect upon it somehow.
We have heard stories about people we love - good, bad or even fake stories, some we could easily attest to and some we would be left wondering about over its authenticity. Just like everything that has been shared on social media nowadays. Even the most tragic of an event could turn out to be a hoax, what more of simple things like mere gossips and such. I am trying to be as generic as possible but I know it's hard to simply write something as serious as this without dropping some names, at least.
I remember being so devastated over the accusations that surrounded Bill Cosby that I even wrote about it when it first happened. I remember hearing unpleasant things about a very close friend of mine too, something that I know is impossible to be true. These two different people brought about the same dimension of truth to me - that they were both bad stuff but they shared two different things that is somehow the inspiration behind this post in the first place. For the former case, I was left devastated because I didn't want it to be true but deep down I know it's true and I want to know the real truth from the accused himself but I can't because I don't know him personally. So I was left depending on the version of truths revealed by his victims. The latter case is easier to manage because she is someone I personally know, one that I can actually go to and directly ask about the truth of the accusation itself.
It's Bill Cosby's version of truth that was bruising my heart in all the wrong ways today.
I feel like it's almost similar to finding out that Gandhi was actually no saint despite his massive influence on the world up till this very day. What do I do, I asked myself. It's not possible to simply sideline the (good) things he did for people just because I found out about his true (bad) nature. And I can't call him back from the dead just to ask him if it's true or not, kan?
This is my dilemma.
I know what I am supposed to do but it's a lie to say that it didn't affect me at all. Especially when knowing the accused person is someone that you have learnt a lot from, someone that you have benefited from, someone that you spiritually looked up to and the saddest truth, it is someone who had helped you to be closer to Him.
I am not concluding that this person is dead wrong - after all the stuff that I have read and such, I am also not trying to be in denial in the midst of all the evidences that had surfaced. I just want to express my sadness, although I shouldn't because right now, I need to remember that I was holding this person dear to my heart because of the things I have gained through his teachings.
I know it is simple. To not judge a person by his sins and et cetera but deep down I needed this reaffirmation, I needed a reminder to bring me back to what comes first and what matters more. And so by Allah's grace that I was brought to stumble upon Shaykh Yasir Qadhi's posting and I quote a part which should be a permanent reminder to me from now on:
"I request that you understand that my lectures and books that you benefited from are still worthy of benefit inshaAllah, because even if I am sinful and have fallen short, what I taught you that was correct was from the Sacred Texts and our blessed tradition. If the vessel that carried it (i.e., myself) was flawed, the message that was carried from the Quran and Sunnah was not. And all that moved you from my lectures before you heard of my sins: that was due to Allah's blessings to have used me as an imperfect vessel to convey the message to you, and nothing in that has changed now that you have discovered the flaws of the vessel."
Told myself to repeat the bold lines for a few times. I think it's important to reflect back on our intentions. It's important to remind ourselves that everyone is a human being, not free from committing sins and such. This is probably one of the saddest things I have written. I shall keep my promise on writing more on the light stuff next time, yes.
May Allah SWT keep us on the right path.
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