I feel like it's fitting for me to just talk about what it means to be empowering other women, especially when it's October. October is not really a month for women as what most people think. But it's definitely a month of women's health, women's history, Pink October (although breast cancer do affect men too) and a lot of other women-related celebration, so we might as well just call the whole month the women's month.
I don't think I have the right to champion this whole women empowerment topic because to be honest, I'd plead guilty if having no female clique is a crime. I have a few female friends that I hold so dearly to my heart but I can never imagine myself having this whole clique of girls to be my tribe of confidants. I know this is such a wrong perception, if I could just admit.
I had the chance to write about women empowerment for a local brand just a few days ago. As much as I love writing it because I really know a lot about it; I don't really have a hands-on experience on it. I don't fancy girl cliques because the ones that I came to know of their existence are mostly toxic - despite how happy they seem to be on social media or upfront, I always found out about their 'real' secrets of backstabbing one another and such. Thus, I made sure to stay away from any possibility of girls' formation that involves me.
But the real problem is not really with the group. As I have been starting to include more positivity in my life, I learnt the root cause of my evasion from such cliques is because I have been surrounding myself with the wrong people. Bingo moment for me right there, for sure. It doesn't have to be like that, you know? Because there's so much beauty in sisterhood, only if you could find the right group of women to associate yourself with.
I cannot write so much on that matter because I am still learning to embrace that privilege I have as a woman - that I have so many women that I could relate to, ones that I can support and being supported by. What I'm going to write about here is more about how it feels to be a strong woman.
You see, there are so many definition of what being a strong woman really means. Is it because she has all the money in the world? Is it because she has the best job in the world? Is it because everyone listens to her? Is it because she governs the whole country? Is it because she has a massive followers? Is it because she can live on her own without a man's help? It's really up to you how you define it but do you know that we are all capable of being a strong woman, just as long as we are able to realize our worth?
I am an independent and strong woman. As much as I look at this as my strength, some people look at it as a hindrance. This is one thing that I have been thanking God for, my ability to feel and think too much and yet I would still show so little. My past relationships mostly failed because I have a mind of my own, I make my own decisions and I move on - rather too easily, sometimes. It's bad news for my past 'failed friendships' but it's something that I would forever be grateful for.
But trust me, I wasn't born with such instincts. It took me a 3-year long abusive relationship to give me the strength and resistance that I have today (and anger too, to be honest). From there on, I learnt to understand myself better. Learnt to love myself better (sometimes, a little bit too much), and I learnt to put myself first, no matter what. That is why when other people don't act the way I expected them to, I would just tell myself that maybe (just maybe) that this people has yet to learn, has yet to understand how it really is. So, it is up to me to be stronger by being the bigger person.
But don't get me wrong, being a strong woman doesn't mean you cannot have a man in your life. My husband is the complete opposite of me - one of the many reasons I never saw our relationship as a possibility because I think he would crumble once I started speaking my mind. But alhamdulillah, God is great. He placed just the right man to remind me about humility, to pull me back to the ground. It's a battle for him, to be honest, because he had to adjust to my frankness, my insensitivity - when all he is made of is nothing of that. But at the same time I learnt to lower down my guard, started putting down my walls because I feel like he is being put in my life for a reason and that reason is currently balancing my emotional instability.
It's also a battle for him because I always tell him to not do things for me, to not buy things for me because I can do and buy all that stuff myself. But it was back then, now I want him to do everything for me okay lol. Not because I cannot do it myself but because I'm strong enough to put aside my ego and let my husband do it for me instead. Trust me, you get so many pahala also okay ;) (for this issue let's wait for my ustazah vibes to take over for me to really talk about it in details).
So my point is, don't fool yourself into thinking the only way to be a strong woman is by having-it-all or by crushing that male counterpart of yours at work. It's more than that. It starts from within. It's knowing what you want and staying true to whatever you believe in. Because there is no point in being strong in the eyes of other people when deep down you know, you can't even be strong for yourself or even holding firmly to the values/beliefs/principles that you live by.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself!
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